Why I hate TNG

OK, I just need to get this off my chest.

Years ago, when it first began airing, I really wanted to like Star Trek: The Next Generation.

I had my qualms when I heard about the show--none of the writers were science fiction folks---most of them, if I remember correctly, wrote for sitcoms. When I saw the pilot episode my fears were realized.

Every tired old cliche storyline was trotted out. As well as every character, straight from stock.

For example, take Wesley Crusher. Now, I have no problem with Wil Wheaton, the actor who played Wesley Crusher--he's a fine, multitalented fellow who was trying to make a living in a tough business. My problem is with the inevitability of Wesley Crusher.

See, he's an audience identification figure. One of those characters that the folks who create these shows thinks is necessary for the fans to get into it--the Boy Genius. When we sit around and play ST:TNG we all want to be Wesley.

Uh, no.

He was also a useful crutch for lazy storytelling. Here's the plot of a typical episode:

The Enterprise is in a dangerous situation.

If they could only do x they could get out of it.

But x is physically impossible.

Really, x is not possible!

We are really, totally not kidding. x is not possible.

Wait. Wesley has an idea that'll make x  possible just this one time.

Whew. That was close!

Then there was Data. Again, my problem is not with Brent Spiner, the actor who played the character. He's wonderful and I wouldn't hesitate to cast him myself, should that situation ever arise. However, he's The One Who Is Trying To Figure Out What It Means To Be Human. Another inevitable character that people unfamiliar with the genre think is absolutely required. I know, people dig Data, but that's largely because, as I said, Brent Spiner is amazing. A less talented actor would have made Data a joke in sf circles.

Then there's Q, another crutch the writers used. It's nice to have a character with godlike powers to step in and snap his fingers to alter the fabric of reality when you write yourself into a corner and Wesley isn't around anymore to invent a ruminframiator or whatever to get us out of this mess.

And if I saw one more frakkin' episode on the holodeck . . . those guys loved the holodeck. Why? Because all kinds of crap can happen there and, really, nothing actually happens. Episodes where nothing actually happens are wasted airtime, which would account for half of every season of this show.

Then the time travel episodes, where all sorts of things happened, then we went back and made it so nothing actually happened. The writers seemed to love that, and be completely oblivious to the fact that this was old hat back in the fifties.

I'm watching an episode now on BBC America, which is what prompted all this--this one is the Groundhog Day episode. See previous paragraph about time travel.

And if Pickard gave one more speech about how perfect things were in the Federation, I was going to throw something. If things are so damned perfect, why is the Enterprise armed? And why is it every person of color on this show is either a:) an alien, or b:) handicapped? And where are the openly gay characters?

And I kept hoping someone would explain to the writers for this thing what an alien actually is. I don't think they ever figured it out.

I gave this damned show three years. Three years of hoping it would finally get better. And there were a few good ideas, a couple of entertaining episodes, but most of them followed the basic plot outlined above.

What finally made me give up? I'll tell you.

The Ferengi.

Think about it. They're ugly. They're stupid. They're lazy. They steal. And they want our women.

What does that sound like to you? Yep. Every offensive racial stereotype you can think of. The epitome of lazy storytelling. I can't emphasize enough how frustrating it was to me when I first saw those guys. This show went from lazy to pathetic right then. And I changed the channel and never changed it back.

I know some of the spinoffs avoided these pitfalls but by then the whole thing was contaminated, to me. It was too late.

Watch Stargate or Battlestar Galactica or Caprica to see what real science fiction is, folks. For TV, that is.

OK, I feel much better now. Thank you.