A note to an old love

I ran across an old, unrequited love the other day.

I haven't seen or spoken to her in years. We didn't have a big falling out or anything--I just gave up pursuing her. She never reached out to me since.

And I was suprised at how much it hurt to encounter her, but, after I had time to get used to it, I realized that I was just feeling the pain because I was expecting to feel pain. It was sort of like phantom limb sensation, I think. In reality I figured out a long time ago that we would make a very bad couple. Beyond the simple fact that I found myself profoundly physically attracted to her we had almost nothing in common.

This was when I started to figure out the difference between lust and love. Lust was what I felt for her--intense, burning, but simply physical attraction. Which at the time I mistook for love. Figuring this out--knowing how to tell the difference in myself--has helped me avoid so many painful situations in my life since that I am deeply grateful to this woman, as much turmoil as I went through during this period of my life.

So, I'm glad we never got together, in retrospect. It would have been fun, briefly, then it would have been hell.

So, my old love, I wish you health, and happiness, and if you decide you want to be friends again I am here for that. If not, I understand that, too, and feel no bitterness towards you, one way or another, and hope you feel none towards me. If you do, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Have a good life, old friend.