Things I wish I could do better

Anybody who reads this blog has figured out that I suck at writing essays.

It's a definite skill, and I know if I took it a little more seriously I would get better at it, but to be honest for the most part I just don't care enough to practice. I'd rather write fiction. But it doesn't stop me from reading essays written by other people who are much better at it than me with a combination of admiration and jealousy.

I wish I were better at appreciating film.

I hear about a brilliant director--Kubrick springs to mind--and I'll watch one of his films and think, "Huh?" I know I'm missing something, because too many other people I admire and respect love Kubrick, but I'll watch one of his films and be left thinking that it was far too long for the miniscule amount of story it told. 2001: A Space Odyssey is a prime example. Again, I know it's entirely because I'm flat-out missing something everyone else can see.

I wish I were better at appreciating music.

There are bands everyone seems to love that I just don't get. Led Zeppelin, for example. I know, this borders on sacriledge, but I just don't understand the heaping admiration people pour onto these guys. Some of their music is okay--one or two songs are great--but most of it just sounds like something a bunch of stoned guys trying to make a record threw together. Again, there has to be something I'm missing, but I'll hear a song their fans just adore--like "Stairway to Heaven" or "Black Dog"--and I'm left wondering what the big deal is.

I wish I were better at forgiving.

I'll carry a grudge to my grave. If someone pisses me off I will never forget it. I may not act like I remember it, and I may never say anything about it, but, trust me, I haven't forgotten, and I won't. I wish I could. I've tried. But I just can't. It just makes sense on some levels--if someone betrays me once they are likely to do it again--but on the other hand it can make things awkward when I'm forced to deal with someone I don't trust entirely, or at all.

I wish I were better at accepting gifts and complements.

It always makes me uncomfortable to get a present, or to get praise from someone, or even an award, on the rare occassions something like that happens. I don't know why. My birthday is coming up and my co-workers are talking about getting me a cake even though I've said several times I don't want one. This isn't because of some stupid religious conviction or anything--it's just because stuff like that makes me extremely uncomfortable. Which, I suppose, is equally stupid, but it's mine, and that makes all the difference.

What about you? What do you wish you do better?