Dear Falcons

I'd like to start out by saying it's not you. It's me.


It's hard for me to say this, and I've been wrestling with this decision for weeks now, but I think today I've definitely made up my mind.


I think I'd like to follow another football team.


I need to follow another football team. I'm thinking the Jets. Not because they're a better team than you--in fact, they are probably one of the two or three teams in the NFL that is worse than you. No, it's because, while the Jets also suck, they do so in a way that is refreshing and entertaining.


Instead of sucking the way you do--predictably.


Hell, who am I kidding? It is you.


Today is a case-in-point, with the game in London against the Lions. A Lions team missing several key players, including their future Hall of Famer wide receiver, Calvin Hill. Yes, you jumped out to a 21-point lead in the first half.


Score at the end of the first half: Atlanta 21, Detroit 0.


I said predictable. How many points did you score in the second half?


Zero.


How many points did the Lions score in the second half?


Twenty-two.


If you need help with the math, here's the final score:


Atlanta 21, Detroit 22.


22 is one more point than 21. Which means you lose.


Your record now is 2-6. I'm thinking 2-14 is within reach.


That number on the left is the number of wins. That number on the right is the number of losses. Ideally you want the number on the left to be higher than the one on the right. The bigger difference between the two, the better. The other way around--the way it is now--is not good.


An NFL game is composed of two halves. That's why they're called "halves." No matter how well you do in the first one, you still need to come out and play in the second one, too.


Look, from what I'm seeing, it looks like all the passion in this relationship is one-sided. You just don't seem to care anymore.


Not only do you lose, you're boring.


So, I'll follow the Jets, or some other team. Sure, I'll still watch your games, but my heart won't be in it until I see where you've actually made real changes. Like doing what every other team in the NFL does that wins games occasionally--making adjustments at halftime, even when they have a lead.


Your lack of a pass rush is tremendously unattractive, and it's something you keep promising you'll address, and, somehow, that never happens.


I've followed you since you've existed. Almost a life-long commitment for me. But I keep seeing the same old crap from you, no matter who your owner is, no matter who your coaches are, no matter who your players are.


Same old crap. Every season.


So, I'll leave it up to you. If you want to salvage this relationship, you'll address this pass rush thing, seriously, for once, in a way that shows results. And you'll begin making adjustments at halftime instead of doing whatever it is you're doing now--smoking cigars and drinking tequila shooters, I'm guessing.


The ball is in your court, Falcons. Are we still a thing, or should I finally just give up on you and move on?