On getting older and analysis paralysis

I'm having trouble deciding on a new project.

That's not the only thing I'm having problems with, but everything else seems to have, at its root, the same cause.

As I get older I become keenly aware of the passage of time, and I begrudge any wasting of it. Which, paradoxically, results in me wasting more time. For example--I don't want to start on a project, spend months hammering away on it, only to abandon it because it's not going anywhere. So, I spend more and more time trying to decide what to work on next instead of actually working on something.

This wasn't an issue when I was younger because I felt like I was going to live for eons. Now, I really doubt I'll be alive ten years from now. As a consequence, I don't want to spend the time I have remaining spinning my wheels. Which means I'm spending a lot of time indulging in wheel spinning.

When I was younger, ten years was an eternity. Now, it's nothing. A blink of an eye. Up and gone before you know it.

Ten years isn't a lot of time when it comes to making movies. Even if funding isn't an issue it still takes a good two years to put something out. Which means if I get busy now and get successful now I may leave this world with five movies to my credit.

Of course, I'll be lucky to get one movie made. It's the thought that counts, and there's nothing like putting something in perspective to scare the crap out of yourself.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I guess I'm just talking to myself, especially since nobody reads these things anyway.

At the moment I have an idea for a drama that I'm pretty excited about, and I think it'll result in a thoughtful, provocative movie that people would want to see, if I can get it made. But I haven't committed to it yet. I'm still toying with the basic idea and trying to decide on the specifics, especially for the ending. I don't even have a title.

We'll see if it amounts to anything. Hopefully it won't take very long for me to make up my mind about it and get started writing it. Or, you know, not.

Time is wasting, you know.