Should I or shouldn't I? Hmmm . . .

I've been thinking about my current project, The Harvester of Faces, a lot lately. Not so much where it should go but if I should keep working on it.

It's just not working. There's a piece missing and I don't know what it is.

Here's what I'm thinking: putting this on the back burner, to resume working on it at a later date. I still believe in the story--I think it's a good one, and one that people will want to read.

In the mean time I'm going to develop this new idea that just came to me while I was visiting family for the holiday. It's pretty much a straight horror story, in a way a sequel to my short story "Cabin Fever" (published in Warped Words 2010 by JournalStone, FYI.). I'm hoping it'll scare the pants off of anyone who reads it. Ain't nothing I like better than pantsless readers!

Anyways, right now I'm calling it Feeders and that's pretty much what it's about. I can't give any more details because . . . well, I don't have any, just yet. I will say it sort of came to me when I pulled off of I-75 on my way to visit dad--I urgently needed a bathroom break and wound up in this little town where the restroom at the gas station was not working . . . Yes, I did find a place where I could take a piss, and I also had this idea come to me.

About the only thing I can say about it at this point is that it's a monster story.

I'll share a few more details when they sort of firm up, but the more I think about it the more it speaks to me. I'll probably start plotting it out today, and hopefully I will be able to start the first draft before New Year's.

What do you think, gentle reader? Should I abandon--for now--the new project that isn't working and start on this new one? And, are you wearing any pants?

Happy Winter Solstice!

To the two or three of you who read this thing occassionally--thank you very much for indulging me and following my narcissistic ramblings, self-involved ruminations, and befuddling nonsense. I appreciate you all, and hope we are still together this time next year! Have a happy holiday season--and I don't care how you define it, just enjoy it!

The failure of words

Regarding the events of yesterday in Newtown, Connecticut--I've been trying to think of something to say here. I thought about not saying anything at all but somehow that seems . . . wrong.

I emailed my goddaughter's mom and told her to give Talyan a big hug for me--I emailed Talyan herself and let her know I loved her and always will. Circumstances and distances being what they are, that was all I could do. They both responded, which left me feeling a little better about that aspect of this situation, anyway.

And regarding my previous blog entry, the part concerning gun control--I stand by my conclusion that we really need to figure out why people feel compelled to do stuff like this, but if a complete and total ban on firearms were implemented right now I would surrender the one gun I have with me--a 12-gauge shotgun that doesn't even work--and the one or two other guns I own that are being kept for me by immediate family--to the appropriate authorities without a second thought. I don't think a complete and total ban is the answer but I'm as sick of this as I am of anything going on in the world and it needs to stop. Now. If that's the best solution, or at least the most workable one, then I'll be more than happy to go along with it.

This guy pretty much says what I'm attempting to say, much better than me. I urge you to read it. I was raised a lot like he was so I understand what he's talking about.

To anyone reading this touched by this tragedy, or other sort of gun-related tragedy--there's nothing anyone can say and I'm not even going to try. I wish those words existed.

To everyone else--the world is watching us. Again.

Gratuitous Sunday morning randomocity

I'm taking a couple of days off from work this week. Monday and Tuesday.

Originally, I took this time because I was expecting to have a bit of a problem getting a new tag for my truck, since I've moved to a new county. I was at least expecting to have to go down to the tax accessor's office and do something there. Turns out that's not the case. I was able to get it handled over the phone. I mailed them a check and got my new tag in the mail.

So, now I'm going to use those two days to work on The Harvester of Faces. My goal is to be at 25,000 words on this second draft by Tuesday. Right now I'm at 20,000 so it is doable. I may even surpass my goal. We'll see. That would put me at around one-third of the way through it, as I'm expecting it to finally weigh in at 75,000 words.

I'm also going to do my xmas shopping, probably tomorrow. I'm only going to get something for my best friend and her daughter--my goddaughter. So, it won't take long and I can take care of it all online.

I was watching Sunday Night Football in America when Bob Costas spoke out in favor of gun control, and I'm watching with fascination the reaction to it. It's crazy--the far right is saying the celebrities need to keep their political opinions to themselves. But they don't say anything about Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, Clint Eastwood, Meatloaf, or any number of other celebrities who spoke out politically that they agreed with. So, the only celebrities who should keep their mouths shut are the ones with opinions that would offend the far right, I guess.

My own opinion? For one, Bob Costas is perfectly within his rights to say what he said, and I found his opinion to be quite measured and reasonable and logical and worth consideration. Do I agree?

Yes and no. I grew up around guns, so they hold no special power over me. I don't find them particularly fascinating. I used to hunt, mostly dove, quail, with some deer hunting (killed a few doves and quail, never even saw a deer until I'd quit hunting altogether. Now they seem to be everywhere.) For a long time I was against any form of gun control.

Now, though, I think we do need to do something about it, though I don't know what. I feel that if we did make it harder to buy guns the people who would use them to commit crimes would still manage to get ahold of one.

There is a deeper issue, though, that is not being addressed at all that I can find, and it's something that will need to be addressed before anything else would work. That is: why? Why do people feel the need to kill other people when they get angry? Why is just arguing no longer enough? Why has the value of human life declined so much that a simple disagreement can result in someone being murdered?

But finding the answer to that, and addressing it in a meaningful way, would be really hard and probably expensive. Which means we may never have an answer.

Things I wish I could do better

Anybody who reads this blog has figured out that I suck at writing essays.

It's a definite skill, and I know if I took it a little more seriously I would get better at it, but to be honest for the most part I just don't care enough to practice. I'd rather write fiction. But it doesn't stop me from reading essays written by other people who are much better at it than me with a combination of admiration and jealousy.

I wish I were better at appreciating film.

I hear about a brilliant director--Kubrick springs to mind--and I'll watch one of his films and think, "Huh?" I know I'm missing something, because too many other people I admire and respect love Kubrick, but I'll watch one of his films and be left thinking that it was far too long for the miniscule amount of story it told. 2001: A Space Odyssey is a prime example. Again, I know it's entirely because I'm flat-out missing something everyone else can see.

I wish I were better at appreciating music.

There are bands everyone seems to love that I just don't get. Led Zeppelin, for example. I know, this borders on sacriledge, but I just don't understand the heaping admiration people pour onto these guys. Some of their music is okay--one or two songs are great--but most of it just sounds like something a bunch of stoned guys trying to make a record threw together. Again, there has to be something I'm missing, but I'll hear a song their fans just adore--like "Stairway to Heaven" or "Black Dog"--and I'm left wondering what the big deal is.

I wish I were better at forgiving.

I'll carry a grudge to my grave. If someone pisses me off I will never forget it. I may not act like I remember it, and I may never say anything about it, but, trust me, I haven't forgotten, and I won't. I wish I could. I've tried. But I just can't. It just makes sense on some levels--if someone betrays me once they are likely to do it again--but on the other hand it can make things awkward when I'm forced to deal with someone I don't trust entirely, or at all.

I wish I were better at accepting gifts and complements.

It always makes me uncomfortable to get a present, or to get praise from someone, or even an award, on the rare occassions something like that happens. I don't know why. My birthday is coming up and my co-workers are talking about getting me a cake even though I've said several times I don't want one. This isn't because of some stupid religious conviction or anything--it's just because stuff like that makes me extremely uncomfortable. Which, I suppose, is equally stupid, but it's mine, and that makes all the difference.

What about you? What do you wish you do better?

Post holiday randomocity

Well, I'm back from my little trip to visit my folks. It was uneventful, which is always a Good Thing.

I didn't take my computer with me so I didn't get any writing done for a few days--I did bring a couple of books with me and managed to finish reading both of them. Read one of them in one day. It's been a long time since I've done something like that. For the record they were both 87th Precinct novels, which I recommend to you once again.

And right now I'm finishing up my laundry, and then I'm going to relax a while before diving back into this world I've created with The Harvester of Faces.

Do me a favor and listen to this. Of my own tunes this is one of my favorites, and comes the closest to the type of music I like to listen to. If you dig it, too, feel free to download it and share it with anyone else who might like it. You'd be doing me a favor.

I've made a couple of astonishing discoveries about myself over the past few days:

• While I will watch--and enjoy--it on TV, I really don't give a rat's ass about college football. I don't know when this happened. I used to have pretty strong and often controversial opinions about it. Those days are gone.
• I don't care all that much about those big, blockbuster movies anymore. Those used to be the only ones I really wanted to see--now I find them tiresome. There are exceptions, of course--I'd like to see The Avengers, for example, because I dig Joss Whedon's style--but for the most part they just make me feel tired. I like more personal films now, which I also find a bit surprising. I shouldn't though, because the two screenplays I've written that I'm happiest with--Seer, and Seer II--are both small, personal films. So, maybe I shouldn't be surprised.

And it's almost time to put another load in the dryer. Until next time . . .

The Harvester of Faces progress report and randomocity

I've started the rewrite to this project today.

I know, I wasn't completely through with the first draft, but that's okay. I made some decisions about the story, and tweaked the plot and the circumstances, so I think it's time to take it to the next level.

This story is one I've wanted to tell  a long time, and it sort of scares me--not so much because it's a scary story (though it is) but I wonder if I can actually tell the story as well as it deserves to be told. It's a good story. Hell, it's a great story, and it has everything: some sex, some violence, a monstrous serial killer, and a political message that's near and dear to my heart. Not to mention some other stuff, about the formation of new societies and the birth of a culture, the formation of a collective subconcious and the beginning of a mythology. And some scary shit, on top of all that.

Whew! Let's hope I can pull it off. Writing the first draft sort of clarified some things for me with it, and there are some areas I neglected that I'm going to address with the rewrite. After that it'll probably require a couple more rewrites to sort of focus it where I want it focused.

Let's hope I can pull this off. If I can, it'll be a great book. If I fail, it'll be the other thing.

This is a short week for me, with the holiday--I'll be visiting my folks for a couple days. I'm not planning on doing any serious work on this thing during that time, though I will be thinking about it, probably constantly. Nothing inspires me more than returning to my hometown for a little while. When I get back I'm sure I'll be in a perfect frame of mind to knock out several chapters.

Keep your fingers crossed that I can maintain my focus on what is important in this thing.

Have a happy holiday!