Frustration, the nature of the Beast

You know, I've done the healthy living thing before.

I was a body-builder. I monitored my calories, proteins, carbs, all that. I took protein supplements. I worked out at the gym every day--cardio and free weights. My legs became incredibly strong. I had art students wanting to use me for a model. I was running--not jogging, running--three miles at a pop. My weight dropped to around 200 pounds--I lost almost 100.

All this was before my wrist problems. I couldn't work out for a while after my surgery and I fell out of the habit. I let myself go. I felt like I'd proven my point to myself.

This is my way of saying I'm experienced with all this. What I've never had to worry about before is my blood sugar.

Hence my frustration. It's at 199 now, which is high. I really haven't eaten anything that I haven't had before, when it scored in the normal range.

It's frustrating as hell. It seems if I eat anything other than raw vegetables it causes my blood sugar to go up. Right now I'm wondering why I even bother behaving myself. Am I just depriving myself of my favorite things for no purpose?

I have to say, though, that I do feel better. I can actually read, now--my eyes seem to be adjusting back to where they should be. For a while there it was really hard.

I do sleep a little better. I'm still losing weight.

Still, it seems that everything, and I mean everything, I eat gets converted to sugar. Goddammit.

Don't mind me. I'm feeling sorry for myself. I"ll get over it. I've still got some adjusting to do and I'll do it.

But, still, it's frustrating.