Dysphoria

I open my eyes in the darkness


Images in my mind holding sway

Feeling the fears of half a million years

Unable to face the day



I close my eyes in the darkness

What does it matter anyway?

Shed or unshed, tears are still tears

And dead memories come out to play



And I wonder what I could have done . . .



I hear your lies in the darkness

Swearing you’ll always be true

As the dawn nears the haziness clears

I was always right to doubt you



My love dies in the darkness

Along with my dreams about you

After all these years I finally feel these fears

But I feel nothing, too



And I wish I could be different . . .



I really wish I knew how it felt

That feeling so many claim to feel

In place of this deep and cold numbness

A gaping wound which will not heal



I live my life in the darkness

And I will until the end

I’m not secretive I just got no alternative

No intention to offend



I’ll end my life in the darkness

Going out like I came in

Unknown, unknowable, the pain so unbearable

Like my whole life has been



And I just want it to be over . . .



By J Franklin Evans