I miss my dog

It's been about 24 hours since Atari was put to sleep and I think I miss him more now than I did yesterday.

I keep being reminded of him at the damnedest times. Yesterday at around 4:00 I just felt this overwhelming urge to take a walk--I realized about half-way into it that this was about the usual time I walked Atari.

This morning I didn't go outside until mid-morning and it just felt wrong--because I used to walk him first thing in the morning, before I made breakfast. When I get out of bed I always check the floor first because he would come into the bedroom during the night and sleep on the floor next to the bed and I'd step on him sometimes when I got up.

Even resetting the alarm on my clock brought back some of the pain--I started getting up a half-hour earlier when he came to live with me, eight and a half years ago, so I'd have time to walk him before getting ready for work.

All day long I find myself allowing for him in my plans for the day--when should I start making dinner? When should I run errands? Planning to be around for him when he needed to go walkies.

Now I don't have to do that any more. I can cook when I want, I can come and go when I want, I don't have to worry about leaving him alone.

It's a freedom I do not want. I love you, Atari. I miss you, you big silly dog.