RIP Atari

I just had my dog put to sleep.

I blogged about his troubles with arthritis earlier and that's what ultimately led to me making this decision. He was barely able to walk. Some days he could get around okay but it was becoming increasingly common for him to struggle to stand up. He was already taking the strongest medication he could take short of steroids--he couldn't take steroids because they would trash his immune system and with his bladder stone giving him perpetual bladder infections that would not be a good thing.

The vet's assistants took him in the back where they put a catheter on him, then brought him back into the room with me. I'd brought one of his beds, too, and he laid down on that--I sat on the floor to pet him and hug him and talk to him and kiss him. The vet finally came in with the sedative and the drug that stopped his heart. He fought against the injection of the sedative for just a second, then he laid his head down while the doc injected the second drug.

He literally just went to sleep. He didn't spasm or indicate he was in any pain at all. The only one feeling pain was me. I had no idea I could cry this much.

This apartment is so empty now. I could always sort of detect his prescence, even when he was out of sight, in the bedroom sleeping. Now I don't feel anything like that.

One day I'll get over this pain and remember all the good times. One day I think I'll be able to talk about him without developing a catch in my throat and tears starting in my eyes.

That day is a long time off. My best friend, my roommate, my child, is gone.