Dysphoria

I open my eyes in the darkness


Images in my mind holding sway

Feeling the fears of half a million years

Unable to face the day



I close my eyes in the darkness

What does it matter anyway?

Shed or unshed, tears are still tears

And dead memories come out to play



And I wonder what I could have done . . .



I hear your lies in the darkness

Swearing you’ll always be true

As the dawn nears the haziness clears

I was always right to doubt you



My love dies in the darkness

Along with my dreams about you

After all these years I finally feel these fears

But I feel nothing, too



And I wish I could be different . . .



I really wish I knew how it felt

That feeling so many claim to feel

In place of this deep and cold numbness

A gaping wound which will not heal



I live my life in the darkness

And I will until the end

I’m not secretive I just got no alternative

No intention to offend



I’ll end my life in the darkness

Going out like I came in

Unknown, unknowable, the pain so unbearable

Like my whole life has been



And I just want it to be over . . .



By J Franklin Evans

New project!

I finally had an idea for another film that appealed to me.

I can't go into details about it right now, really, but it's a basic idea I've had for a while but didn't have enough to proceed. I think maybe the missing pieces have finally appeared on the board--now I have to figure out how they all fit together.

It's one of those weird things that, if done properly, will be sort of strange but fun and interesting. If not done properly it'll be pretentious and not make any sense. And probably not get made. I can say that my name for this project, at least for now, is Travelers, and it's a dark fantasy. Not quite horror, but close.

The next step for me is to write a treatment, where I lay out the plot, introduce the main characters, that sort of thing, not more than six pages or so long. While most people hate this stage, I love it. It gives me a chance to anticipate any problems and work them out before I actually start writing it. So when I sit down and start with the actual screenplay I can just write the damned thing.

Most other writers I know sit down at their computers, think for a while, then start writing. Then they stop, think, then write some more. I've never worked like that. When I sit down at my computer I've already written whatever I'm going to write in my head--it's just a matter of physically typing it. I actually write while I'm out walking Atari, or listening to music, or sitting at my desk at work--even though I'm not actually writing anything at all, or at least anything that pertains to the particular project. So, I may not physically work on something for weeks, but that doesn't mean I'm not working on the project--it just means I'm not at the point where I want anything down in a physical, semipermanent medium.

That's just how I roll.

What I like

People are often surprised, when I'm discussing books, movies, or music, not so much at the stuff I like but at the stuff I don't like. I realize that, as a writer and musician, my tastes are pretty narrow and specific. As opposed to so many other writers and musicians who have a very broad palettte and like all sorts of stuff, even if they only write or play a specific genre.

For example, I don't care for fiction. Period. I did, at one time, but I don't anymore. I just lost my taste for it. And everyone that hears that says the same name and heartily recommends his stuff--Dean Koontz. Sorry. Read several of his books, and really didn't care for them. I just didn't see it. And please understand that I'm not saying there is anything wrong with people who like Koontz--many of my friends enjoy the guy's work--but it's not to my taste. I mean, I really hated it.

Musically, about all I like is metal of some kind--usuallly Gothic but I do branch out into other areas. I don't care for pop music, I detest country, I do not understand hip-hop. Punk bores me. Rockabilly makes me really irritable. Evanescence is about as light and pop-py as I get these days. Again, if you dig that stuff, I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just saying it's not my thing.

I like music that has life and energy. Music that's full of some sort of genuine emotion, even if that emotion is rage or sadness. Most of the stuff that gets produced these days lacks that--it's all formulaic, processed, all the emotion and meaning carefully removed to make it palatable to as many people as possible. Or it's just one mean-spirited, sarcastic song after another-- a little of that is okay, but that starts getting on my nerves eventually, too.

Anyway, people seem to take it personally when they discover I don't care for their particular style of music, or their particular artist. I don't know why. I don't take it personally when people say they don't care for my music. In fact, I'm usually surprised when somebody does.

Same with movies--I'm not wild about the formulaic, processed stuff that dominates the theater during the summer. Visually some of them are interesting but unless there's a compelling story with characters I find interesting a series of pretty pictures gets boring to me really quick.

But, again, that's just my opinion.

Everybody Needs To Understand My Rock and Roll

People always tell me what I need to do

what to think and what to say

Maybe I should just play along

who would care anyway?

But I can't stay quiet no matter what I do

that's just not how I roll

Everybody needs to understand my rock and roll

Conformity will take its toll

I can't stay quiet to save my soul

Cause everybody needs to understand my rock and roll

There was a time I was like you

I did what you'd expect me to do

Predictable and the same as everyone I knew

Soul-less eyes just ain't for me

I've never been much for doing what I’m told

I prefer to go my own way

Doing the expected gets terribly old

I'd rather come out and play

Am I crazy? Maybe so, I don't know

It just beats selling my soul

Everybody needs to understand my rock and roll

Conformity will take its toll

Take your happiness, take your soul

Everybody needs to understand my rock and roll

words and music by J Franklin Evans and Talyan Wright

Budding rock star pix

I know I've mentioned my goddaughter and her mom came over from California for a visit earlier. They were going to be in a wedding in Atlanta and came down here to Savannah to visit a couple of days. I got a chance to spend some time with them, which was wonderful, as I miss them both so much.

Anyways, of course I took some pix, and thought I'd share a couple. This is my goddaughter, Talyan:

She was wearing her mom's glasses in this shot. Ain't she cute?

Here's one of her and me--I'm the ugly one:

She's actually a professional actress--she's appeared in an ad for Dial Nutriskin, a play, music videos, and she's going to be in a Lifetime anthology movie called Project Five, which will air next year. I'm very proud of her, needless to say.

But she's also a budding rock star. She spent some time banging away on a couple of my guitars and making up some lyrics on the fly---a couple were pretty good ideas, actually, and I may write something based on one of them some time. Which means she may get a songwriting credit before she's eight.

Anyway, I just throught I'd share these. I'm sure you can tell why I go on and on about her sometimes.





Coming up next!

I think I've finally decided what I'm going to work on over the next little while.

I've had this pipe dream of starting a band for a long time now, and I think I'm getting close to 'it's-now-or-never' time. Of course, I don't have the resources right now to do much about it, and I really don't know any musicians or singers who would work for what I have planned, but that won't stop me.

When I move to Douglasville later this year I'll have access to more people, which means I'll also have access to more musicians. There are bound to be a few who have the qualities I'm looking for. These would be:

• A female vocalist with a smoky voice--think Melissa Etheridge.
• A drummer who likes to lay down heavy, Bill Ward style beats.
• A synthesist with a setup that has a good pipe-organ voice, as well as a Moog and decent piano.
• A bass player who is a bit innovative and likes to work in the lower-end of the neck.
• A good violinist wouldn't hurt, either. Think Pete Johansen. Listen to Tristania.
• Another guitarist who can shred would be nice, too.
• And they will all need to be people I can get along with, and who want to play the type of music I want to play, and not play music I don't want to play.

Yes, I have a name for this band, and no, I'm not going to share it. I think it's a really good name that nobody else is using, as far as I can tell. I've had other names like that for bands in the past--unique, interesting, and creative--and made the mistake of mentioning them to others, and in no time at all somebody else was using them. Every. Damned. Time. So, I'm not even going to breathe it, this time. You'll find out when I'm ready for you to find out. Sorry.

But I will start writing some stuff, maybe creating some demos of songs, writing lyrics, that sort of thing.

Anyways, if you're a musician in the Douglasville, GA, area and dig dark, melodic Gothic metal (think Draconian, and some Tristania, especially their Illumination CD), and want to give it a shot, give me a holler.

I can gurantee the worst thing I'll do is say, "No." And I may just say, "Maybe!" Heh.

Vacation Monday randomocity

I spent a goodly chunck of yesterday with my best friend, Rox, and her daughter (my goddaughter), Tai. They live in Los Angeles so I don't get to see them very often--it'd been a year and a half since their last trip. I had a wonderful time with them--Tai still surprises me with her energy and creativity, and Rox is, as always, fun to be around, and is more beautiful than ever, which is saying a lot. They leave tomorrow morning--I should be able to spend a little more time with them today. Tomorrow expect a pitiful posting as I wallow in sadness, missing them both so much.

Tai is turning into quite the musician, as well as the actress--she spent a lot of time banging on one of my guitars, making up her own songs. It was hysterical, but impressive, really--she had a couple of pretty decent ideas for metal tunes that I may actually use at some point. She definitely gets the attitude. And she may get a songwriting credit at some point.

I'm on vacation this week, as I believe I've mentioned. I don't really have anything planned, though I think I'll spend my time starting tomorrow planning some new projects. At this point I have no idea what those would be.

Anyways, I'm going to chill out as much as possible, maybe jettison some stuff I want to get rid of, make some plans, and make some decisions. Stay tuned if you want to know what those turn out to be!