What would you do?

Say, at the beginning of a relationship, you knew the following:

• it is going to be one of the most wonderful things you'll ever have in your life
• it is going to be one of the most agonizingly painful things you'll ever have in your life.

I'm not talking about the normal highs and lows of a relationship--I'm talking really intense experiences, where the highs are stratospheric and the lows are correspondingly deep, if not deeper.

Would you still get into it?

That's sort of the question one of my characters in my current project is facing, and I've always found it intriguing. I know what I would do--I'd go into it anyway. Every relationship is like that, I know--there's good and there's bad.

But what I'm talking about is a little bit more than the typical things people go through--I'm talking about enormously powerful entities, and, in the end, one person will be forced to destroy the other. My character knows this, going in, though that will be years down the road. She decides to proceed with it anyway.

Does she regret it? Yes and no. That's sort of what the book is about. Because of this relationship, and my character's decision to go through with it, terrible things happen to a lot of people. But there is also a friendship, a mutual affection, a love that develops, too, and these two characters share a lot of wonderful and fantasic experiences together. A strong bond develops between them, in spite of the differences that erupt and the conflict that ensues.

I will tell you my character does not regret going through with it, making the decision she makes regarding this other character, in spite of it all, in spite of all that it costs her, in the end. She wouldn't change anything about it.

And I agree with that, and I would have made the same decision that she makes.

But what would you do?

Being happy with the bad

I'm still sick.

I feel better than I did the other day but I don't feel good enough to go back to work yet. I'm hoping, if I relax, watch TV (Castle marathon on TNT right now, btw), and do a little drawing by tomorrow morning my body will have recovered enough from this beating this flu or whatever has given it to let me go back to work.

Another thing I've done, while I'm not vegging out, is reread parts of my first draft of The Sorcerer's Daughter,  and I came to a weird conclusion about it.

I'm happy with it. Even the parts that need work.

Normally, when I reread a work-in-progress and encounter something that doesn't quite jibe I try to fix it right then. It drives me crazy. I know that's why we write multiple drafts, and I need to just concentrate on telling the whole story first before I go in and start adjusting things. But, usually, I can't resist tweaking, rewriting, and making other changes to it before I'm completely done with the draft.

I don't seem to be having that problem here. There are a few places that need another look, a couple of things that need to be rethought, a couple of places where it just does not work.

But I don't care. I'll go in a fix it later--I'm confident about that. I have no idea what I'm going to do about a couple of areas but I'm sure I'll come up with something that works.

I'm guessing this is a good sign. I'm enjoying the story so far, not really worrying too much about where it's going to go next--I have an overall plot but I'm letting the details work themselves out as I come to them.

I feel good about it. I feel positive about it. This is a good story. It's one that people will want to read.

I feel that confident about it.

I just needed to brag

I've mentioned that I'm learning to draw. I'm going through this book and I'm on lesson 17 now.

Before I started it I could barely draw anything at all recognizable. I'd always wanted to learn how to draw but I didn't feel like I had the talent.

But I've also always felt that, with the proper amount of work, you can learn how to do all sorts of things. It may take you more effort than it takes others, but you can do it--and if it does take a lot more effort for you, chances are you'll appreciate whatever you attain that much more.

Anyways, all this to set you up for what I drew earlier today.

Yes, that is a tiger. I drew it from a pic I found on Facebook. I didn't include the details--the tiger is lying at the edge of pool of water and he's reflected in it. It's a striking photo and I just didn't feel ready to tackle the reflection. So, I just drew the tiger.

Anyways, I wouldn't have even attempted something like this less than a month ago. Today, I just sat down and did it. It took me about twenty minutes, and I did it just to kill some time. While nobody will confuse my sketch for something done by a professional artist, for me it's orders of magnitude better than what I thought I could do before I set out to learn how to draw.

All this just to say--if there's something you've have always wanted to do--learn a foreign language, or how to play a musical instrument, or draw, or sing, or dance, or whatever--do it. Maybe it'll be incredibly difficult. Maybe you have no natural facility for whatever it is. Maybe it'll take forever. Maybe it'll be hard as hell. But you can still do it. And then you can brag about it on the Internet, too!

The Sorcerer's Daughter--the story behind the story

So, I started writing The Sorcerer's Daughter specifically to address something that drives me nuts with today's movies and novels.

Namely, The Question that an author gets asked by people--editors, agents, readers, etc.---who have read the work about particular characters. "Is he (or she) evil?"

The response should be, "No. He (or she) is human."

Too many people expect a work of fiction--movie, book, whatever--to be about the Battle between Good and Evil, like it's two baseball teams or something. I realize this started because these things were intended to be a simple diversion and it was a quick shortcut to identify who we should be cheering for and who we should be pulling against.

But, over the years, it's become much more than that. People have lost all basic understanding about what Good and Evil actually are, and these days seem to expect everyone to fit into one of those two camps. It's what's led to a lot of the political strife we're going through these days--people who disagree with me on abortion, the death penalty, gun ownership, etc., are not people who have differing opinions from me, they are evil. Once you arrive at that decision compromise becomes impossible. You don't compromise with evil, do you?

(On a side note, I love how the wardrobe changes when a character makes a committment to one side or the other. Evil has much cooler and sexier attire.)

The central character in The Sorcerer's Daughter--that would be the sorcerer himself--is not good or evil. He's pragmatic. He's got a very difficult job to do, and has hard decisions to make, and he makes his choices based on what he sees as best for humanity as a whole. Sometimes this means that a lot of people wind up dying. He doesn't spend a lot of time in contempulation--he makes his choices and lives with them.

Some would consider him evil, because there are times he makes no effort to save some members of humanity from a threat. He just considered it to be a waste of his time.

Others, though, see him as a hero, because through his actions humanity still exists. And, I need to add, that he never pauses to think about his own chances for survival when he's doing battle with the enemies of humanity. He'd sacrifice himself without hesitation. It's part of his job, and the job is the only thing that has his loyalty. Often times that makes him seem cold and aloof, even to those who know him well.

That's the conflict that lies at the core--the sorcerer's daughter has to learn to adopt his attitude. She initially finds it repellant, but as she grows into her power and legacy that changes. His pragmatism is expected and necessary for him to do what he does--while he is enormously powerful, he's not omnipotent. He has to draw a line and refuse to cross it. It is the duty of the sorcerer to figure out where he or she wants that line, and then to never step across it.

It's not about shades of gray. It's about living life. There is no "dark side" or "light side." There is just life.

We need to start remembering that.

Post tooth extraction under the influence randomocity

Well, getting this tooth pulled recently turned out to not be all that big of a deal.

It didn't hurt at all. After injecting the local anesthetic the dentist had that aggravating molar out of my mouth in just a few minutes. Since then it's ached a little bit but nothing serious.

My problem is not the minor oral surgery I had the other day. My problem is I'm getting sick.

It came up on me suddenly this afternoon, that icky, achy feeling I always seem to get when I start coming down with something. Along with the scratchy throat, I feel pretty miserable.

I took one of the pain killers the dentist prescribed because they would also help with the fever I think I'm getting. And they'll help me to sleep. Please take that as my excuse for any typos that slip through my post-draft readover.

One thing that happpened while my dentist was poking around in my mouth the other day was my realization that a character I was going to kill off in The Sorcerer's Daughter should actually live a while longer. I don't really know why that hit me while a pair of pliers was gripping one of my molars, but there it is.

And it's a good idea. It's giving me something I think the story was missing--another character and source of conflict for the protagonist. It was also one of those things that just felt right.

If you're a writer you know what I'm talking about--you'll be working on something and, somewhere deep inside, you just start feeling like you're going down the right path. That there is something good, interesting, and worth reading coming out of you. I'm getting that now.

Granted, that feeling might not be completely accurate, but I think my instincts are pretty good, so I do put some faith in it. I just wrote a couple of pages and feel pretty good about how that came out--I think of it as my Muse smiling.

I'm walking a very fine line with this thing, too. I don't think I've mentioned before, but I'm intending it as a Young Adult type book. The problem is, it's pretty dark, which my intended audience would love. But I can't have it get too dark or my intended audiences' parents may have a problem with it. So, I'm having to walk a fine line with this thing.

When I'm feeling a little better I'll go into what I'm hoping to accomplish with this thing. It's in response to a particular axe I want to grind.

Maybe that will be within the next day or so. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Blocked no more!

I experienced a case of mini-writer's block while working on the first draft of The Sorcerer's Daughter.

It was at the end of Part I. I already have a Part III but I needed a bridge to get to it. A Part II. And I couldn't think of anything.

I was considering just going ahead and writing Part III and coming back to do the omitted section later, but I hate doing that, really. Fortunately an idea came to me for the next section that will do quite nicely, for a variety of reasons.

I basically needed something that:

• showed my protagonist a few years older than she was in the first part, but not as old as she will be in Part III
• gave another central character an opportunity to remind the reader what a cold-blooded bastard he can be
• introduce a really nifty monster I came up with that should give the reader a good chill

Anyways, I'm back in business, for now.

I just need to learn to trust myself a little more--I can usually come up with something. The problem is, when I put too much pressure on myself. I want to come up with something now and it just won't happen that way.

I'm still making progress with my drawing lessons, and these are helping me with my writing, I think. Sitting here doodling in my sketchbook or playing with the pens I bought sort of frees up my mind and lets it work on whatever I need for it to work on. Plus, my pictures (usually) actually look like something now. Something recognizable, that is.

So, creatively I'm coming along, making progress.

Physically the weight keeps coming down. The blood sugur is within normal limits. I've stuck to my diet and exercise regime and I'm seeing results--I'm wearing a shirt right now that I couldn't get into a couple of months ago. Hopefully my doctor will be pleased when I see him in about a month--though it's really difficult to imagine him being happy. He makes House look like a cast member from Up With People. (I know I'm showing my age with that reference.)

Anyways, it's been a productive Saturday for me, which means it's been a good weekend so far.

I suppose I should congratulate the Baltimore Ravens on their Superbowl win--I just realized I haven't posted anything since the game. It was a really good game, too, down to the wire.

So, how are you doing? How's life treating you?

Progress report, pre-Super Bowl randomocity

I just reached the end of Part One of the first draft of The Sorcerer's Daughter.

It was actually a pretty emotional moment, for me, considering all that my heroine has gone through in this thing so far. At this point she's only nine years old--when we see her again, in the beginning of the second part, she's twelve. While a lot happens to her in those three years, it's all more of the same stuff that has already happened to her in part one, so continuing with that would bore the hell out of the reader.

Part Two will be when she starts spreading her wings, so to speak, using some of the terrible secrets she has learned and the power she is being trained to use. I'm looking forward to writing it. I'm planning on using an idea that came to me in a dream a while back--it's a good idea, really, but I've never had anywhere to use it before. It'll be perfect here.

The Super Bowl is tonight, and I'm just not in the Super Bowl spirit. I guess it's because I used up all my enthusiasm during the NFC Championship, which my Falcons lost to the 49ers. While the team from San Fran had to beat my team to get to the Super Bowl I don't have any special grudges against them--they beat the Falcons because they were the better team, pure and simple.

As far as who is going to win, it's hard to determine. If the Ravens quarterback, Joe Flacco, continues playing as well as he has throughout the playoffs, then I think they have the edge. That's the problem with him--he's either great or really average.

So, I think I'm picking the 49ers to win, in a close one. The difference will be less than a touchdown, I expect. It will, at the very least, be a close game.

My drawing lessons procede apace, and I'm having fun doodling now, drawing geometric shapes, shading them in,, making them three dimensional, coming up with weird, surrealistic, faux architectural sketches. While waiting for a meeting to start at work the other day I started doodling on my notepad with my pen--afterwards I showed part of what I'd done to a colleague and she said, "That is an apple." I was ridiculously pleased with  myself after that. Yes, it was an apple. And it looked like an apple!

Okay, you have my Super Bowl pick. What's yours?