Dear Falcons

I'd like to start out by saying it's not you. It's me.


It's hard for me to say this, and I've been wrestling with this decision for weeks now, but I think today I've definitely made up my mind.


I think I'd like to follow another football team.


I need to follow another football team. I'm thinking the Jets. Not because they're a better team than you--in fact, they are probably one of the two or three teams in the NFL that is worse than you. No, it's because, while the Jets also suck, they do so in a way that is refreshing and entertaining.


Instead of sucking the way you do--predictably.


Hell, who am I kidding? It is you.


Today is a case-in-point, with the game in London against the Lions. A Lions team missing several key players, including their future Hall of Famer wide receiver, Calvin Hill. Yes, you jumped out to a 21-point lead in the first half.


Score at the end of the first half: Atlanta 21, Detroit 0.


I said predictable. How many points did you score in the second half?


Zero.


How many points did the Lions score in the second half?


Twenty-two.


If you need help with the math, here's the final score:


Atlanta 21, Detroit 22.


22 is one more point than 21. Which means you lose.


Your record now is 2-6. I'm thinking 2-14 is within reach.


That number on the left is the number of wins. That number on the right is the number of losses. Ideally you want the number on the left to be higher than the one on the right. The bigger difference between the two, the better. The other way around--the way it is now--is not good.


An NFL game is composed of two halves. That's why they're called "halves." No matter how well you do in the first one, you still need to come out and play in the second one, too.


Look, from what I'm seeing, it looks like all the passion in this relationship is one-sided. You just don't seem to care anymore.


Not only do you lose, you're boring.


So, I'll follow the Jets, or some other team. Sure, I'll still watch your games, but my heart won't be in it until I see where you've actually made real changes. Like doing what every other team in the NFL does that wins games occasionally--making adjustments at halftime, even when they have a lead.


Your lack of a pass rush is tremendously unattractive, and it's something you keep promising you'll address, and, somehow, that never happens.


I've followed you since you've existed. Almost a life-long commitment for me. But I keep seeing the same old crap from you, no matter who your owner is, no matter who your coaches are, no matter who your players are.


Same old crap. Every season.


So, I'll leave it up to you. If you want to salvage this relationship, you'll address this pass rush thing, seriously, for once, in a way that shows results. And you'll begin making adjustments at halftime instead of doing whatever it is you're doing now--smoking cigars and drinking tequila shooters, I'm guessing.


The ball is in your court, Falcons. Are we still a thing, or should I finally just give up on you and move on?

Sunday morning watching football randomocity

So, I'm sitting here watching my Atlanta Falcons play the Detroit Lions. Yes, the time stamp is correct--they're playing in England, so airtime for the game here in the States is 9 a.m.


At the moment the Falcons have the lead. I have an idea for a pretty funny posting for this blog when they lose again, so of course they'll win. Whatever they have to do to break my heart, they'll do.


Like most people I'm getting tired of the political ads. I am drawing some hope from the tone of the Republican attack ads--they're repeating the same tired old, and long since debunked lies that their base will believe no matter what. They sound desperate. Let's hope they have good reason to be desperate. It'd tickle me to no end to see Georgia turn blue after the midterms.


Speaking of elections, I took part in early voting. I wish there was a way I could opt out of having to endure all these stupid commercials for candidates now, since they're irrelevant to me. Oh, well.


I've been on vacation all week. For once I didn't have a particular goal I wanted to accomplish. I had some errands, but no definite projects I wanted to work on. It's been pretty glorious, to be honest.


Though I did make a start on the script for this pilot for this TV show idea I've had for a while. It's coming along pretty well so far. I can definitely work with what I've got on the page now, tweaking it to get the tone I'm looking for.


I'm waiting for my first readers to give me their notes on The Sorcerer's Daughter. I've heard from both of them that they are enjoying it so far, so that's heartening. I'm trying to resist doing another read-through until I hear from them. It'd be kind of pointless for me to do a rewrite before then. They're both extremely busy people so I'm just glad they're taking the time to do this for me.


And it's back to work for me tomorrow morning, after being off all week. That usually means my Monday morning will be crazy busy.  I guess that's a good thing, though.


Wow. The Lions still haven't scored on the Falcon's porous defense. Maybe they've got jet lag or something. I'm entirely sure it won't last.