This shouldn't be a surprise to me . . .

When I was a kid I drew a good bit.

I never thought I was going to be the next da Vinci or anything, but I enjoyed it, and I wasn't bad at it, and if I'd kept doing it I'd probably be a pretty passable artist by now.

Why did I stop? Because someone who played a prominent role in my life at that time disparaged my drawings and paintings, and constantly belittled my attempts at any sort of artistic expression. This person was crazy--she found everything a threat to her own status, and her strategy in dealing with this was to lash out and attack, constantly and without mercy. I was her favorite target--there was nothing  I did right. I remember a prolonged discussion about how I breathe incorrectly. Seriously.

Anyway, this person was crazy, and even though I knew at the time that she was nuts and I could see that her own family wasn't spared from her insecurity and her unrelenting attacks, for some reason I believed her criticisms when it came to me.

Which, now that I think about it, makes no sense. Why was she so wrong about everybody else, but right about me?

Answer? She wasn't. I just chose to think so. This crap stopped me from doing something I enjoyed doing for damned near thirty years.

No, I don't blame her. I blame myself for giving this lunatic that kind of power. It won't happen again. Not with her, of course,, but she's been out of my life for a long time now, but with anybody who feels the need to attack me.

My own lesson from this, what I'm trying to impart to anyone who bothers to read this, is this--if someone criticizes you, especially harshly and cruelly, look at how you feel about this person. Is he or she crazy? Stupid? Monumentally insecure? If the answer to any of those questions is Yes then that person's opinion has no validity and shouldn't be taken seriously. If you see him (or her) attacking someone else for no apparent reason, if you see her disparaging somebody else's work even though you know it doesn't deserve it, why is he wrong about that but right about you?

Answer--because this person isn't right about you. This person is as wrong about you as he is about the others.

Granted, you may not be in a position to ignore this person--I certainly wasn't, at the time, as this person was a family member--but you can give his opinion the weight it deserves.

Which is, in fact, no weight at all.

Let me introduce you to . . .

. . . the star of The Sorcerer's Daughter, Drew!

My first attempt at a painting in thirty years, and my first ever with acrylic paints. What do you think?

OK, this is a weird but good idea I think

I have no idea if anybody else has done something like this before, but it just seems right to me.

I'm going to start the second draft of The Sorcerer's Daughter while I'm still writing the first draft.

So, I'll write some more on Part II of this thing, then go back and work on the rewrite of Part I. I think, for this particular story, that this will work. There's quite a bit of plot I need to add anyway, and I'm looking forward to writing it, so I may as well go ahead and get started. But, I'm digging the part I'm working on now, too, so I get to keep doing that.

We'll see if that works. I'll let you know, of course.

I've almost finished my first painting. All that's left to do is to spray it with sealant, which I will do tomorrow, after the paint I put on it today dries.

The painting is of Drew, the central character in The Sorcerer's Daughter, and I was trying for sort of a minimalist, stylistic approach. It actually illustrates one of the scenes I'll be adding during the rewrite. I think it's not bad, considering it's my first attempt at painting. I'll post pictures of it here when I'm done with it, in a couple of days, for your delight and edification.

My desktop PC is dying. It's been struggling along for a while now and desperately needs to be replaced--now, though, it keeps crashing. Fortunately, the price of desktop PCs has really come down. Unfortunately, it's still more money than I can afford to spend right now. Luckily I can get by without it for a while.

Writing, rewriting, drawing, and finishing off this painting--that's my upcoming weekend. Maybe computer shopping, or maybe I'll wait a while. We'll see how that works.

So, stay tuned to get a look at Drew, appearing here sometime over the next couple of days!

A rainy Saturday randomocity

I'm priming a canvas board, in preparation for painting my first picture using acrylics. I just put the last coat of gesso on it--it should be dry in a couple of hours.

Not that there's any hurry. I had to order an easel because I couldn't find one around here that was worth a damn and it hasn't gotten here yet. Should be here any day now, and I can begin inflicting my artistic visions on the world shortly thereafter.

I haven't resumed working on The Sorcerer's Daughter yet though  I will be, later today, as soon as I finish some domestic stuff.

Anyways, that will be fun, going back into that dark, fantastic world. I'm looking forward to it.

As the title for this entry suggests, it's a rainy Saturday here. Had some thunder and lightning earlier, too. It's going to be stormy all weekend, it looks like.

I've been musing for a while now on the word utilize. I work with someone who uses that word constantly--she does it, I know, because she thinks it makes her sound more intelligent, and like she knows what she's talking about. Of course, it has quite the opposite effect, and she sounds like a pretentious windbag. (She also says "you and I" when "You and me" would be grammatically correct, for the same reason--something else that makes me crazy. But that's another subject.) This led me to think about how useless that word is.

Think about it--is there any circumstance where utilize is more appropriate than use? "I'm going to utilize the restroom." "I feel so . .  . so . . . utilized . . ." It means the same frelling thing  as use, and use is much easier to say.

So, I propose the following new rule for usage of utilize. It will, henceforth, mean used effectively. If you utilized something, that will mean that you got everything out of it you possibly could. Used to the utmost. "She didn't use me, she utilized me."

So, who is with me? Do you agree we should begin utilizing this rule immediately?

The Sorcerer's Daughter--what it's about

I've reached the end of Part I of The Sorcerer's Daughter so I'm going to take a few days off from it before starting on Part II.

It's the story of a girl named Drew. Part I begins when she's nine years old and her father comes to claim her from her mother and she learns of her terrible birthright--her father is the Sorcerer, who defends humanity from threats from other worlds. She is to be his eventual replacement, and he comes to claim her to begin her training.

Part I is about her training, and her continuing journey to adulthood with a crazy, mixed-up upbringing--her mother raised her according to her father's explicit instruction but also showed her love and empathy. Her father, on the other hand, is cold and aloof and the ultimate pragmatist. He'd have no problems sacrificing part of humanity to save the rest, and, while he defends humanity as a whole, he rarely forms attachments to particular humans. He also does not defend humanity from itself--he can step in and stop a lot of problems before they erupt into conflagrations but refuses to do so. He also rarely responds to pleas for help from the few individuals who even know he exists--he considers that a waste of time. However, he is enormously powerful, and dedicated to his duty, which supersedes all of his other considerations. Even his duties and obligations to his daughter.

Drew has to learn how to think as he does, how to be aloof and cold-blooded when circumstances warrant, but also how to identify and empathize with humanity so she'll be willing to expend the effort to save it, even sacrificing herself if necessary.

Part I ends with Drew allowing something to happen that she knows will have terrible consequences, but also achieving a major milestone in her learning how to become a Sorcerer herself. Part II will be about a more grownup Drew--she's around fourteen at the end of Part I and around seventeen at the beginning of Part II--still learning, but a lot further along in her development. She's learned a lot in the three years, but the biggest lesson of all will be revealed in this part.

Part II is going to be structured a bit differently from Part I, which is why I decided to divide it up like this. Part I skips over a couple of years in the narrative a few times, just sketching in the important details. Part II will be a bit more of a continuous narrative, a bit more of a traditional story, as Drew grows into her role as a Sorcerer and her father's eventual successor.

I'm going to maintain a tone throughout that's quite dark, while not depressing--mysterious, but not enigmatic. I do intend it to be a Young Adult story, so I have a bit of a tightrope to walk with some aspects, but that's part of the fun, I think. I consider it a Dark Fantasy--not horror, per se, but with some horrific elements.

Anyway, that's what it's about. What do you think? Sound interesting?

Mid-vacation randomocity

I'm finally done with all the medical stuff as of this morning.

No eye, dental, or other problems that I didn't already know about, and according to my lab results my other issues are improving.

I'm sure you've been up late worrying about all that so I thought I'd get it out of the way right at the top.

I've decided that I'm going to get into acrylic painting--I'm going to look into getting the stuff I need tomorrow. Again, this is strictly a hobby, but it should be fun.

The Sorcerer's Daughter first draft is still rocking right along--I came to a big plot twist earlier today that actually arrived a little sooner than I was expecting. Weird. It was something that was traumatic for my central character and I usually have to brace myself a bit before writing something like that, but this time I just dove right in. I think it works. We'll see, when I reread it down the road.

Musically, I feel it is my duty to make you aware of a couple of bands I've discovered that you really should know about--Lunatica, and Stream of Passion. Go over to YouTube and check them out. If you already knew about them, lucky you! If not, you are in for a treat, especially if you love your Metal with a really big, full sound, fronted with a megatalented female lead singer. You can say that about both of these bands.

Really, that's all I have, right now. Life at the moment is not bad and is rocking right along.

Pre-vacation randomocity

So, I'm taking next week off from work.

What are my plans, I hear you ask? I've got some routine medical stuff to take care of--a checkup, eye exam, teeth cleaning, that sort of thing. I decided just to get it all out of the way in one week so I won't have to worry about it again. I'm at that age where I have to do stuff like that even if I'm not having any problems. I'm like a really old car that is still running--you need to have a mechanic look at it periodically even if it seems to be running fine, just in case.

Other than that, I'm going to stop by an art supply store to get some more colored pencils and look around at some other stuff. I want to eventually get into painting with acrylics, so I want to look at that stuff, too.

Still plugging away on The Sorcerer's Daughter, though I've slowed down a little bit on it. I'm working on a tricky section right now, sort of a story-within-a-story, and I need to plot it out in a little more detail first.

I also need to reread an older work, just to reacquaint myself with it. I'm going to have to do a rewrite on it in the near future so it'd be nice to have it fresh in my mind.

Also, my drawing lessons proceed. Check this out.

That is an eye that I sketched the other night. Not perfect, but, considering my level of talent a couple of months ago, not too shabby.

So, that's the plan--writing, reading, doing some self-maintenance, shopping . . . pretty much an ideal week off! Except for the poking and proding from the medical professionals.

Snowy Sunday morning randomocity

It looks like it snowed last night, based on what I see when I look at my truck. Yeesh. And I must get groceries this morning, too. Dammit. Oh, well. I'll manage, I'm sure.

In other news, I've been a bit of a slack-ass when it comes to writing the first draft of  The Sorcerer's Daughter. It's not due to lack of interest on my part, but this frelling flu that I've had for a couple of weeks. I'm pretty much over it, now, but I still have almost no energy. It's hard to sit here and write for more than a few minutes.

But I'm getting better, the energy level is getting back to where it was, and I'm making progress. I'm right around a third of the way through it now,, I estimate. I hope to be done with it in a couple of months, and be done with the whole thing and have it ready to submit to publishers by, say, August. We'll see.

My writing schedule may be impacted by some interest in an older project of mine. I'm not really free to talk about it except to say I'm very excited by the prospect and it may take a lot of my writing time--which I don't mind at all. Let's just say that, if this turns out right, I can cross a really big item off of my bucket list.

As I write this I'm wearing a pair of jeans I couldn't even squeeze into a couple of months ago. Comfortably, I might add. So, the weight loss procedes apace.

Just for the record, that's the best way to tell if you really want to measure progress when you're trying to lose weight. You can use the scales as a guide but don't live-and-die by them. Use the way your clothes fit. If you haven't lost any weight by the scales but you can't keep your pants up when they fit fine before, then you are losing weight. Scales can be liars.

Just my two cents worth. Keep your fingers crossed for me that this thing I mentioned works out!